I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
