Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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