Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
