It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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