i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
