Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
