just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
