I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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