There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
