My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
