he shaved USA in his pubs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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