those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
