Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
