There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
