I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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