she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
