I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
