Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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