remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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