were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
