peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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