Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The best revenge is premature balding
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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