I'm really into asian looking animals
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
