I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
