I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
