You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
