Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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