so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
