So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
