90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize