she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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