Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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