ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
