Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
