Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
