Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
