If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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