she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
