If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
