I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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