I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
