apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
