There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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