please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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