Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
