Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
