My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
