I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
