u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
