i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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