the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
