just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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