All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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