Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
