he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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