Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
