dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
