Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
