She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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