I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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