He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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