Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
