I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize