i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
