Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
even my farts smell like vagina
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
how drunk are you?
Several
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
