She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
