when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
