She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
