Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
