Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
