She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
