Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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