thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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