sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
