FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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