So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
